j. alice. (enamored) wrote,
j. alice.

love is a dress that you made long to hide your knees

♣ I'm really disappointed in myself lately for the lack of writing. I am always "writing" in my head, formulating sequences of words that accurately describe whatever vaguely emotional, aesthetic or philosophical musings pop into my head; the problem with writing in my head is that it is extremely likely that when I do finally sit down with a pen and paper, I forget what it was I wanted to write about, even if the thoughts are reoccuring. Now, if Im lucky enough to even just remember the subject I wanted to elaborate on, most of the time the words dont fit into the perfect sentences I had formed in my head.

♣ I am also terrified of someone finding one of my journals, because I dont feel that anything and everything I write is safe from snooping brothers/parents/friends/my future self, and I am hardly ever completely honest with anyone (including myself) anymore. It would be perfect to have a journal that was nice enough for me to not tear out pages of, but not so nice that I feel that I cant write every superficial thought I have in between the possibly-profound (or at least worthy of remembering) ones.

anyways; I hate it when internet quizes frighteningly dead on.
seriously, take it. it'll freak you out.

Your Existing Situation:: Sensitive; needs esthetic surroundings, or an equally sensitive and understanding partner with whom to share a warm intimacy.
Has sensitivity of feeling and a fine eye for detail.

Your Stress Sources:: Eager to make a good impression, but worried and doubtful about the likelihood of succeeding. Feels that she has a right to anything she might hope for, and becomes helpless and distressed when circumstances go against her. Finds the mere possibility of failure most upsetting and this can even lead to nervous prostration. Sees herself as a 'victim' who has been misled and abused, mistakes this dramatization for reality and tries to convince herself that her failure to achieve standing and recognition is the fault of others. Unfulfilled hopes have led to uncertainty and apprehension. Needs to feel secure and to avoid any further disappointment, and fears being passed over or losing standings and prestige. Doubts that things will be any better in the future and this negative attitude leads her to make exaggerated demands and to refuse to make reasonable compromises.

Your Restrained Characteristics:: Willing to become emotionally involved and able to achieve satisfaction through sexual activity.
Feels that things stand in her way, that circumstances are forcing her to compromise and forgo some pleasures for the time being. Circumstances force her to compromise and to forgo some pleasures for the time being.

Your Desired Objective:: Wants to make a favorable impression and be recognized. Needs to feel appreciated and admired. Sensitive and easily hurt if no notice is taken of her or if she is not given adequate acknowledgment.

Your Actual Problem:: Depleted vitality has created an intolerance for any further stimulation, or demands on her resources. This sense of powerlessness, combined with frustration that she cannot control events, subjects her to agitation, irritation, and acute distress. She tries to escape these by stubborn insistence on her own point of view, but the general condition of helplessness renders this often unsuccessful. Is therefore very sensitive to criticism and quick to take offense.

Your Actual Problem #2:: Disappointment and the fear that there is no point in formulating fresh goals have led to anxiety. Desires recognition and position, but is worried about her prospects. Reacts to this by protecting at any criticism and resisting any attempt to influence her. Tries to assert herself by meticulous control of detail in an effort to strengthen her position.
She is trying to escape from this into a peaceful and harmonious relationship, protecting her from dissatisfaction and lack of appreciation.