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[Sun/Jun/2008 at 1:05am] |
oh my goddddd my life, i dont know what the fuck is going on.
in other news my old livejournal entries are wildly entertaining.
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| summer to-do list |
[Tue/May/2008 at 10:54pm] |
> draw SOMETHING every day. with charcoal preferably. also using models would be fantastic
> finish reading Film Art and Kurosawa books, to prepare for IAPC
> take lots of photos. you bought a fancy looking camera that never gets used and it makes you look like a douchebag so fucking use it
> write IAPC :(
> join obama's campaign if he becomes the next democratic candidate... move to england if he doesnt
> write in a journal at least once or twice a week hopefully not this one
> make a lot of money by selling people hand lotion they dont need and exfoliators they do need
> go to siren fest?
> go to the gym and sleep regularish hours
******* Finish your existentialism readings, and the lectures. they are the shit.
******* Watch Seventh Seal, 8 1/2, and every other damn movie on your list there are so many, so dont waste your time watching Clueless when its on TV for the millionth time no matter how fucking brilliant Clueless is... the ring-a-ding kid
maybe try and tackle Goedel, Escher, Bach again
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[Sun/Oct/2007 at 12:00am] |
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I hated this city the first time I visited it for the funeral of my deceased grandmother. The oppressive heat of that summer mirrors this current incessant heat wave, uncharacteristic of any autumn I've experienced, that has been weighing me down for the past few weeks. It causes the garbage to rot and emit odors so strong they seep out the plastic bags, carrying the scent of decay down alleyways and creeping up through windows. Sweat drips from the faces and fingertips of overly dressed businessmen and those vagabonds, wearing every article of clothing they own, searching for an inch of shade in which they are allowed to stand, or sit. At night one can be lulled to sleep by the smooth song of the traveling saxophonist, or woken up by a horrified, piercing scream from the streets. I am beginning to find it impossible to stand those who love this city unconditionally. They must be walking around blind. One can go on forever that the essential nature of the city is a dedication to the arts, that unlike the country there is a flourishing night life. Some argue for its diversity, but those with open eyes can see the obviously separate and unequal. The city is simultaneously beautiful and vulgar; It is constantly in shadow and yet vibrantly garish; it is loud and impersonal, crowded and isolating. The people here are starving and self-indulgent and lost, even if they think they know which direction they are moving. and the terrible sadness of this is that a miserable place such as this is exactly where i need to be right now.
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[Fri/Sep/2007 at 2:00am] |
I saw fucking Beirut tonight for free. I seriously had an eargasm. It was the most beautiful concert ever.
what has your college done for you lately?
p.s. Ted Leo too.
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| new york is nice this time of year |
[Wed/Sep/2007 at 9:24pm] |
I can't even even express in words my utter giddyness concerning the current situation my life is in. It feels so relaxing and yet revitalizing to know you're exactly where you're supposed to be. I knew that eventually my stubborn refusal to settle would pay off and it did.
NYU is the perfect school for me, and it baffles me that a year ago all I wanted was a typical college on a beautiful campus with a football team and school spirit. University of Michigan in my mind has definitely lost some of its luster. I was so certain that I wasn't ready for an urban environment, that I needed to hold it off until I was older, out of college...
To feel comfortable in such an intimidating city is an amazing feeling. The very first night when I had to take the subway back to my dorm I almost had a melt down. Wishing I was somewhere without the noise and the smells; confused, because I was wondering why I desired being back on a small campus with a large fence and walls-- just far away enough from the world. My vision of college was so limited to the picturesque pamphlets showing students sitting under trees reading Walden. And while trees are hard to come by, I am perfectly content reading the Odyssey on washington square park with the sound of scatting homeless men in the background. Its different, but somehow, in a really odd way, it works. Kind of like me. How did I find this place? How did I land here? What kind of karma-lottery did I win?
I wish I had someone to gush about this with; Is it really lame i miss my parents? They're outside enough to not get involved with or offended by or sick of my gushing, yet they care enough to have a genuine, thoughtful conversation with. Something is missing though, and I can't figure out if it's my friends from Fordham (who I miss terribly), or my parents, or my money (which is swiftly disappearing), or if it's just my stuff which CollegeBoxes continues to hold captive.
wellhereitgoes.
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| bukowski |
[Tue/Jul/2007 at 8:40pm] |
a symphony orchestra.
there is a thunderstorm,
they are playing a Wagner overture
and the people leave their seats under the trees
and run inside to the pavilion
the women giggling, the men pretending calm,
wet cigarettes being thrown away,
Wagner plays on, and then they are all under the
pavilion. the birds even come in from the trees
and enter the pavilion and then it is the Hungarian
Rhapsody #2 by Lizst, and it still rains, but look,
one man sits alone in the rain
listening. the audience notices him. they turn
and look. the orchestra goes about its
business. the man sits in the night in the rain,
listening. there is something wrong with him,
isn’t there?
he came to hear the
music.
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| the children's crusade |
[Fri/Jun/2007 at 9:52pm] |
Little Billy was terrified, because his father had said that Billy was going to learn to swim by the method of sink-or-swim. His father was going to throw Billy into the deep end, and Billy was going to damn well swim.
It was like an execution. Billy was numb as his father carried him from the shower room to the pool. His eyes were closed. When he opened his eyes, he was on the bottom of the pool, and there was beautiful music everywhere. He lost consciousness, but the music went on. He dimly sensed that somebody was trying to rescue him. Billy resented that.
-vonnegut
( full. )
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| if you dont like the BX then FU |
[Sun/May/2007 at 9:46pm] |
| [ |
music |
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lullaby - grizzly bear |
] |
I know these end of the year posts (especially after freshman year of college) are usually trite, annoying, and undeniably monotonous. I know that I am supposed to tell you how much Ive grown, how much I've learned, how I've become the wild and crazy college student you all never thought I could become. While I had an amazing year here, I know I have a different story to tell because I am not going to be here next year. I have to come to terms with the fact that tomorrow I will pack up my fathers car and drive away from the Bronx for good.
I have all these great friends who tie me to this school. I am ready to leave Fordham, I am ready to go to NYU and especially to Galltin; because for the first time ever I have experienced that feeling of getting into a college I really wanted and being able to chose the school where I feel I will be able to fully realize my potential.
I cant completely comprehend that even though I will be in Manhattan next year, at a completely different school with different people and basically starting with (yet again) a clean slate, I have yet to picture my life NOT being here, without my friends, without my roommate sara, without Rodrigue's, without certain people that Ive already had to say goodbye to. I know I will be in the same damn city, and maybe that is why I am not scared, but lord knows it will definitely be different.
So now, 80% of my belongings are stored away. My dorm looks almost the same as it did the first time I stepped inside, and all the coziness that turned this 20x20' room into a home for the past 9 months is gone, and I am still not as sad as I think I should be. Sometime it will hit me, maybe in the summer, maybe next year. But for now all I have to say is
Peace out, Fordham. It's been real.
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| oh hey! |
[Thu/May/2007 at 1:03pm] |
for those of you who dont know...
NYU 2010!!!!
i got the official letter today... I am so flipping out!!
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[Sun/Apr/2007 at 4:31pm] |
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dear god, give me inspiration
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| what?! |
[Sun/Apr/2007 at 10:32am] |
| [ |
music |
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girlfriend(avril lavigne)--- suck it. |
] |
So I was reviewing old entries, especially from last year, and I realized that in its own fucking sick and twisted way, last year didnt suck at all. I was so wrapped up and depressed over crap I couldn't control, but despite everything I was able to make certain things worthwhile.
Ok so, I didnt have the typical senior year, I didnt mend relationships with people like I was "supposed to" and I didnt have the time of my life: prom was kinda boring and wayyy overpriced, and I didnt go on the senior class trip to disney, no regrets there. I still miss my friends from junior year sometimes, but senior year allowed me to figure out who my real friends are- snobbery, pretention and DRAMA FREE. I could say that an argument about me disliking NYU (and I pray this becomes very very ironic) was a catalyst for a horrible year in my life, but it wasnt at all. It was just something needed in order for me to break ties to people that I was way too attached to for no reason and not in the least bit similar to or emotionally "understood" by.
I burned a lot of bridges because of it, but oh fucking well. Shit happens. I couldnt stay shackeled to Westford, or WA, or any of that shit any more. Without burning bridges, I have a hard time looking back and thinking that I could have made the transition into college/NYC so easily. Im not a suburban kid, and I am definitly not a townie. I have a solid group of friends that I dont feel the need to see every damn weekend. **Did you notice girls are this way? You need to be on a schedule with them, if you dont see them every few days or so they have a hard time picking up where the friendship left off. Im more of a boy in this sense I can go for months and pick up where I left off a relationship and have it be totally cool.**
But on the surface last year kind of rocked:
-got to have art/music classes for 50% of the day---amazing
-made a lot of money
-skipped a lot of school
-snuck out of the house for the first time &hung out with jill and colleen at a show
-met/became friends with megan &went to a couple of sweet shows (ted leo!! michael ian black!!)
-was in/helped make a french video that got the most laughs at the movie festival
-got into Tulane, and Fordham (which I had really started to like)
-had a number of beautiful spring moments, where my heart swelled while sitting underneath apple blossoms
-read a lot of sweet books (SERIOUSLY, THIS IS A BIG DEAL)
-visited caitlin-marie at pratt and fell in love with brooklyn and the subway
-i kind of rocked out the bohemian hair/jewelry last year, which i think worked for me... people wouldnt let me cut my hair (I had to, guys, it was getting gross)
-also, weirdly, a reformation of music taste? I still consider myself a classical girl, but i guess i listen to a ton more "indie music" even though i would never classify myself in that group of people
-fell hard for ryan adams, whoah.
-Went to Israel, had my life flipped up-side-down
I guess happiness doesnt matter in the time restrictions we put on it; collectively, the "moments" i had last year of happiness far outweight most of my years high school, but for some reason I was devestated while all this stuff was happening (mostly the in-betweens). And yeah, a lot of shit went down; lost my job, rejected from my top choice college (thank GOD), pushed aside by a boy that had made me fall in love with him (this really really fucked me up, beyond belief). all in all i came out of last year with a better sense of self, more focused goals and aspirations, and much better friends. read number 98
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| now i sing upon my knees &praise the kindness of a gentle breeze |
[Fri/Jan/2007 at 11:41pm] |
For many years, livejournal has been the place where I've been introspectively analyzing every little idiosyncratic behavoir and neurosis to the point where all this stuff I have dismissed as being a part of my slight, but definitly existant, insanity seems almost... mundane? Why stop that tradition now, though.
It goes in circles. The same issue comes up again and again, except as I grow older, I lock it up deeper inside.
I lock up the fact that I wish I could willfully make my heart stop beating.
Saying that outloud gives me the shivers because of how overly honest it is. I have this completely uncontrollable ability to feel everything, and everything affects me. My heart feels too big for my body, and sometimes its as if all this unused love seeps out my pours and evaporates, or rubs off on my sheets at night, or is washed down the drain in my daily shower, but then it grows back tenfold. I am constantly unable to prevent myself from emotional attachment to things, people, etc. The slightest issue obsesses me for days, so when it comes to the big stuff, stuff I actually chose to love, I tear myself into shreds over it for years, because I always find it my fault for screwing something up, or caring too much. Ive had one reccuring dream throughout the year, where I am beating the shit out of another version of myself in a corner.
I wish I could just be detached, rather than feeling emotionally tied to everything, even things beyond my control.
I dont want torrents my entire life, cant it just drizzle once and a while?
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| New Years Songs |
[Sun/Dec/2006 at 10:38pm] |
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a playlist:
5. "New Years" - Asobi Seksu
4. "The New Year" - Death Cab For Cutie
3. "The New Year" - Azure Ray
2. "New Year's Day" - U2
1. "New Year's Prayer" - Jeff Buckley
[click the title to download]
New Year's for me has always meant the Twilight Zone marathon on SciFi, chinese food, When Harry Met Sally, in particular this song (oh i am hopeless), and classy parties with champagne and italian doctors later in the night. Have fun getting drunk, please dont drive, and I hope 2006 treated you well and 2007 treats you the same.
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| 2006 - A Musical Scrapbook |
[Sat/Dec/2006 at 3:37pm] |
Okay, so in 6th grade I wrote down my favorite music of the year in my little diary and since Brian McKnight's "Back At One" isnt my favorite song anymore, I figured I'd catalog this year in terms of the music I spent, well, WAY too much time on.
( 2006 - A Pretty Good Year )
Night Ripper - Girl Talk ------SO GOOD.
but of course most importantly:
TOP 5 Radio Hits
5. "Unwritten" - Natasha Bedingfield
4. "Candyman" - Christina Aguilera
3. "Ridin'" - Chamillionaire
2. "Run It!" - Chris Brown
1. "Smack That" - Akon
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| The day the music died |
[Wed/Dec/2006 at 12:47pm] |
classical 102.5 is now COUNTRY 102.5
I AM GOING TO CUT A BITCH.
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| can i just say |
[Sat/Aug/2006 at 11:33pm] |
i love the UN. seriously.
I dont think it is corrupt at all.
I dont think it is corrupt when the UN ignores the fact that two IDF soldiers are still being held captive by hizbullah when it violates the cease fire resolution,
and I dont think it is corrupt that the UN ignores the fact that, even though also a condition of the UN resolution, lebenon has failed to disarm hizbullah (a TERRORIST organization, mind you, and I define a TERRORIST as someone that randomly targets innocent civilians),
and I certainly dont think Kofi Annan is a biased, anti-semitic individual when he condemns Israeli raids preventing the smuggling of Iranian* weapons into southern Lebenon.
*you remember Iran right? you know, who's president possibly has nuclear weapons, is a rabid holocaust denier with the consistant opinion that Israel should be wiped off the map?
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[Tue/Aug/2006 at 10:32am] |
christina aguilera's new album is my favorite pop album since justified
ahhh love it.
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[Mon/Jul/2006 at 8:01pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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moved |
] |
| [ |
music |
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subliminal |
] |
For anyone who wondered, Im home and safe: I got home a few days ago... just as the war in Israel was beginning; If you want to hear about my trip just call [I cannot confine my feelings about it to this stupid little lj box, I need more like 50 empty notebooks] but on to more important things:
chen > moran > oren > liz > doron > lee
These are some of the most amazing, caring, selfless and passionate people I've ever met in my entire life and some of the best friends I've ever made. They are members of the IDF and there hasnt been a moment since this war started that I havent been concerned for them.
I love them and miss them very much.
Hopefully I'll get an e-mail from one of them soon.
♥
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| michigan seems like a dream to me now |
[Sat/Jun/2006 at 12:01pm] |
I am so close to just hopping on a plane and visiting Ann Arbor for a few days, ah I miss it so*
*but since this is impractical, and i have no real pressing reason, other than fleeting dreamy urge,
perhaps I will go in late july when I actually will have something to there (The Art Fair!)
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| "next year in..." |
[Thu/Jun/2006 at 11:20pm] |
| [ |
music |
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blessings for the new year |
] |
I know I havent mentioned it here, + I've randomly brought it up with close friends, but in 18 days (18 DAYS!!) I will be in Israel, + I am legit flipping out. Not only the Holy Land, but one of the most political & cultural hot spots in the entire world.
I've been planning this + packing + researching + reading books about it for months, but for some reason it really just hit me today when I got my itinerary (including Jerusalem, Masada, the Dead Sea, & the Sea of Galilee).
At this point Im speachless + bewildered + nervous + just overwhelmingly excited/ecstatic. Im freaking out as I type this (!!!!!!)... I hope to see you before I go + when I return; you can bet I'll have billions of photos + stories and of course a new hot israeli boyfriend. + hopefully i'll know a bunch of hebrew swearwords.
<3 Jenny.
ps. thankyou to eitan for letting me use his beautiful photo on the left
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| like emptiness in harmony i need someone to comfort me |
[Sat/May/2006 at 9:56pm] |
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There is usually one day in the year, just one day, when I go outside and I am fully overwhelmed by how beautiful the world can be.
Most people think I am insane, but I absolutely love days in spring when the sky is overcast. Everything seems to be under this blue shadow and it makes everything--- the grass, the forsythias, the blossoming trees, brighter with this lovely blue palette. [ The closest example I can think of is Garden State because that whole movie is filmed in a way I think the colors in the world should look always. ]
*
So I was walking up to the library listening to music and the petals from the trees in full bloom are falling down like pink and purple spring snowflakes, and I pass Sweet Peas and notice that in just a few moments I was about to meet paths with the man who spends hours at the library and dresses like a disheveled 'Gorton's Fish Sticks' guy. I was slightly nervous about this, as his stature is intimidating and his general presence has always seemed a little out of place in our town. He is typically dubbed "the homeless guy" sometimes "the creepy homeless guy" even though he really is just a mystery... I don’t think anyone knows for sure anything about him. With all this nervousness I felt I pulled down my headphones, and as we crossed paths I looked at his face, which was old and weathered and wrinkling surrounding his small, dark eyes and behind his massive gray beard... he looked like a sage, and I could have mistook him for Walt Whitman. Walking by we looked at each other. I said "hello" and he said "hello" back in a weak voice, and we exchanged little smiles and moved on. I turned around and watched him limp away for a few seconds before turning around with hints of tears in my eyes, putting on my headphones, walking to the library and sitting on my favorite bench underneath the tree that rains magenta petals. He has consumed my thoughts all day because in that instant when he smiled at me, I wondered what his life has been like: what his dreams were as a child, what his favorite book was, if he'd ever fallen in love or broken hearts, whether he had been in the navy or written a song for the person he loved.
I will always wonder where his destination was, and always hope that it was a home
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| so college.... |
[Mon/Apr/2006 at 6:10pm] |
...most likely. it is just too hard to turn down new york city, and if i did turn it down I hope you'd get my brain checked. also, I can cross off "be a new yorker for at least 3 or 4 years" on my list of life goals. sick. i'll be jenny from the block, what now, JLo!
Also, lets get real, the fact that I'd be going to a school called FU is enough for me. I cant wait to buy a bumper sticker haha.
fun fact: today I was told I should join the ultimate frisbee team... not because I am cool, but because I fucking rock at frisbee... it was pretty awesome.
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[Thu/Apr/2006 at 10:25pm] |
i just need someone to tell me that everything is going to be alright.
but i'm 18, and people expect you to know when you're grown-up that everything is not going to be alright.
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| spring is here, summer's coming... |
[Sun/Apr/2006 at 8:42pm] |
April come she will when streams are ripe and swelled with rain;
May, she will stay, resting in my arms again.
June, she’ll change her tune. In restless walks she’ll prowl the night;
July, she will fly &give no warning to her flight.
August, die she must, the autumn winds blow chilly and cold;
September I’ll remember a love once new has now grown old. ♪♬
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| last night meg keller &i saw ted leo [!] |
[Sun/Mar/2006 at 10:13am] |
| [ |
music |
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wherehavealltherudeboysgone? |
] |
I might not have had the best standing spot (i was closer to the back earlier, moved up later) but it was cool because he walked right past me on his way backstage. same thing with his drummer and bassist, it was siiick.
( +4, worth waiting until 11 o'clock at night for )
**I would also like to add that it is very likely that I will be going to Tulane next year. And I am pumped.
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| love is a dress that you made long to hide your knees |
[Sat/Feb/2006 at 10:54pm] |
♣ I'm really disappointed in myself lately for the lack of writing. I am always "writing" in my head, formulating sequences of words that accurately describe whatever vaguely emotional, aesthetic or philosophical musings pop into my head; the problem with writing in my head is that it is extremely likely that when I do finally sit down with a pen and paper, I forget what it was I wanted to write about, even if the thoughts are reoccuring. Now, if Im lucky enough to even just remember the subject I wanted to elaborate on, most of the time the words dont fit into the perfect sentences I had formed in my head. ♣ I am also terrified of someone finding one of my journals, because I dont feel that anything and everything I write is safe from snooping brothers/parents/friends/my future self, and I am hardly ever completely honest with anyone (including myself) anymore. It would be perfect to have a journal that was nice enough for me to not tear out pages of, but not so nice that I feel that I cant write every superficial thought I have in between the possibly-profound (or at least worthy of remembering) ones. anyways; I hate it when internet quizes frighteningly dead on. seriously, take it. it'll freak you out. ( my results ) |
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| Tally Hall & Ok Go at the paradise rock club! |
[Sat/Jan/2006 at 11:13am] |
Jill, Colleen and I went to see the show at the Paradise last night. I can't believe I managed to sneak out of the house, it's insane. After like 30 minutes in the club we weren't sure if we had gone to a gay bar accidently... if you were in there, you'ld understand. Colleen and Jill were there for the headliner, I was there for the opener... and I think I am in love. My pictures of Ok Go came out better, because I was like a foot from the stage during their set.
Tally Hall
( &&2 more )
Ok Go
( &&3 more )
It was just a typical boston night with drunkards and creepy guys in the subway (and the gas station, and at alewife). I didn't get to meet Tally Hall, that was a bummer, because apparently they were selling their CDs during the second band's set.
Oh yeah, and I stood next to Craig from Degrassi: TNG the whole time too. That was pretty rad.
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| Guilty pleasures... ahh |
[Wed/Jan/2006 at 6:14pm] |
So I was tagged by patrick, and I feel it necessary to complete this.
Most of the time I really dont think I have "guilty pleasures" because I like what I like and why would I feel guilty about it? Well I thought about it and I guess I have a few.
Guilty Pleasures
1. It's been like 3 years and I still havent gotten sick of Usher's "Yeah." I am so happy every time I find it on the radio and I turn it up. I must have listened to it about 5 million times but it isnt getting old... there must be something wrong with me!
2. Drake and Josh when most of the television I watch today is Sex and the City and Jeopardy! this show feels a little out of place. My brother and I watch it all the time now, its just so funny and cute and I cant get enough of it. Its not even a good tv show as far as they go... but goddamnit! I love it! and I love obsessing over...
3. Drake Bell. Please. If this guy isnt my type (and my friends dont agree with me that he's my type) then I'll have to throw myself off a bridge. He isnt the funnier one on the previously mentioned show, but he's decent (I'm defending, honestly)... I guess he writes music too? But it's probably not that good. Plus, I find a sweetly creepy tweenaged irony in the fact that his last name (Bell) is what I always wanted to change my last name to if I ever became famous (haha oh god...) because Jenny Bell just has a great ring to it. But, lets get serious, ( look at this face )
grossssss. I hate my celebrity crushes. except john cusack, no one really tops him.
4. kittenwar.com
so yes. I AM MORE SOCIALLY AWKWARD THAN YOU THOUGHT I WAS.
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| numb |
[Sun/Jan/2006 at 9:50pm] |
I'm struggling to figure out what has sucked every last drop of passionate impulse out of my spirit.
i hate this (this is not me).
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[Sat/Jan/2006 at 8:21pm] |
harry potter 4 sucks oh my god.
nice fucking job mike newell, sacrificing story for special effects is awesome. oh yeah and I loved the coherent sequence of scenes, because they really made sense.
LAME.
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| new years post no. 1 |
[Sat/Dec/2005 at 2:14pm] |
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Alright. Comment on this, and I will tell you what I like about you. <333
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| because I love you all... |
[Sun/Dec/2005 at 10:21pm] |
...I think you should benefit from my discovery that Patsy Cline is one of the most amazing singers... ever. It is made evident from these two songs that she KNOWS MY SOUL. And because it is hanukka/christmas/two days after my birthday and I am still depressed as fuck, I am listening to the following songs on repeat until my ears start to bleed:
:: Downloads :: Patsy Cline :: (click to download)
♥. Crazy ( lyrics )
♥. I Fall to Pieces ( lyrics )
Enjoy your holiday, I am off to contemplate what the fuck could possibly be making me so not happy when everything is giving me the thumbs up sign.
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| children waiting for the day they feel good |
[Fri/Dec/2005 at 10:22pm] |
Is it so wrong to be in love with a city? Everytime I come home I wonder for days how I am ever going to live without New York City.
I loved getting to share it with my favorite people in the world; melissa and erin. It was the best birthday ever! The room we stayed in was a penthouse with a king-sized bed and egyptian cotton sheets, and we walked around time square (my favourite place on earth at night), and my dad surprised us by buying tickets... to The Producers!! which I've wanted to see for years. I've never seen so many swastica's in a concentrated area before, it was hilarious. It was just a great new-yorky weekend; walking around the famous places and going to the metropolitan museum of art and eating at delis.
so i am 18... porn and cigarettes for everyone!
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| a long overdue hair cut |
[Wed/Dec/2005 at 5:28pm] |
Um, haha, have I changed at all?
I still dont know how to use the timer on my camera. I definitly look older, I think. That could just be wishful thinking.
Im going to New York City tomorrow! My birthday is on Friday, I will be 18. Something about that seems so bizarre to me. I really like being 17, for no particular reason. The age in general has just been good to me. I guess I should be happy, I mean porn and cigarettes right?
I've become unhealthily in love with "we will become silhouettes" by the postal service, which is what happens when you shun good bands for like, two years.
( plus one )
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| there must be a Freudian explanation for this |
[Wed/Dec/2005 at 4:44pm] |
| [ |
music |
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rilokiley//inever |
] |
my parents are too goddamned gorgeous, no wonder i have a complex. i am also quite sick of the fact that i become infatuated with any boy that is remotely similar to my father.
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| oh my god |
[Sat/Dec/2005 at 12:24pm] |
I had to be at work today at 5:45 in the morning. I work at a gym in Chelmsford so I left at like 5:25 so I could go slow considering yesterday's blizzard. As I was merging on to 495 (going 40mph) I hit a patch of black ice and the car spun completely around, facing the opposite direction in the middle lane and three oncoming cars.
it was the single most terrifying event of my life. thank god I'm alive... if it had happened just a few seconds later Im not sure I would be.
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| tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies |
[Tue/Dec/2005 at 7:43pm] |
Okay. since a few people have tagged me. I will write what makes me happy (because it is dark and cold and I am trying to be an optimist in this miserable enveloping void)
so. 4 things that make me happy (sorry thats all I got)
1. Singing at the Franco American Club and having the elderly sing along with us, it was adorable.
2. Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.
3. Having all my college stuff done.
4. Mr. Culver's turtlenecks. I am pretty sure he has one for every day of the year.
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| typical days... |
[Wed/Nov/2005 at 10:07pm] |
me: so dad, what would you think about me applying to tulane?
dad: oh i hear they have an excellent scuba program!
( survey survey survey )
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| jude is almost as awesome as ms. k |
[Sun/Nov/2005 at 8:03pm] |
Miss Keirstead on my recommendation letter:
You said to highlight the positives and overlook the negatives, so I took out the line that read, "LOCK UP THE MALE MEMBERS OF YOUR STUDENT BODY, BECAUSE SHE'S ONLY INTERESTED IN YOUR STUDENTS' BODIES!"
The last time I checked, they frowned on that.
Ms. K
the best line(s) from Jude the Obscure so far:
And when he reached his lodging he found a note from her--a first note--one of those documents which, simple and commonplace in themselves, are seen retrospectively to have been pregnant with impassioned consequences. (103) uh, mixtapes?
The trees overhead deepened the gloom of the hour, and they dripped sadly upon him, impressing him with forebodings---illogical forebodings; for though he knew that he loved her he also knew that he could not be more to her than he was. (113)
----- basically, I am boycrazy and jude reincarnated.
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| top 100 characters in television |
[Tue/Nov/2005 at 7:02pm] |
oh come on, Bravo! Archie Bunker over Lucy Ricardo?
oh please.
wow. I have no one to talk about this with.
that sucks.
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| harry burns is obvs my soulmate |
[Thu/Nov/2005 at 10:25pm] |
Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Isnt it funny that my brother repeats this line to me all the time? He tries to give me little advice on things. hmm<3
I feel genetically screwed, my mother is emotional, my father cries when watching The Thief of Bagdad and Romeo and Juliet ... I'm doomed to be overly empathetic and emotional forever.
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| yet from those flames no light but rather darkness visible |
[Wed/Nov/2005 at 8:29pm] |
| [ |
music |
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springtimeforhitler |
] |
I woke up this morning from a terrible terrible dream. I dreamt that I was running at dusk through the streets, not here but some streets where the trees enclosed the road in a dark and tangled cage. Its raining and I'm following this light I see, I keep getting lost on these dirt paths, because, like trying to find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, the closer i try to get to the fire the farther away it becomes. One path I take leads me to a warehouse. I open the door and everything inside is decaying, and inside are all these people I know, I love, gaunt, starving and weeping. Everyone's eyes are a pale gray. There is my friend's little sister wrapped around my waist and I try to feed her but her small, bony arms have locked so tightly to my hips and she wont let go.
I woke up this morning and couldnt move.
Doubt thou that the stars are fire;
Doubt thou that the sun doth move;
Doubt truth to be a liar;
But never doubt that I love..
At school I wanted to go home and make a fort out of pillows and tunnel under the blankets. I wanted to sit in my closet and listen to music and curl up into the corner or into my mothers arms like I used to do when I was younger.
At home during dinner my father recounted the car collision between the racing teen and the 8-months-pregnant-woman on the Lowell Connector and explained how they tried to save the woman's baby but to no avail. It was her first child with her husband; he lost both his wife and his to-be firstborn child. I cried and cried. I realize I've shed more tears for this family than I have for him.
The rug of childhood has been pulled out from right under my feet. [If being grown up means feeling pointless, empty, and alone, I'm far more grown-up than I ever wanted to be].
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| halloween |
[Sat/Oct/2005 at 11:58pm] |
The DJ played "Istabul"... which was obviously the best song played.
I danced with french kids!! it was so cool!
( Senior Halloween Dance '06 )
I am just going to keep expanding to this entry since I like the fact that last October I wrote the exact same amount of entries that I have written this year (7). SO. Does anyone else watch MADE? The boy on that show today was incredibly hot (the one who wanted to figure skate) which has lead me to believe that half-western-european/half-hispanic is perhaps the best mix of (at least physical) genes out there. Because you have the lightish skin with the dark hair and really huge round dark eyes. & I say this because of friends of mine too who are that mix.
I wish I had brown eyes.
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| i am blessed |
[Sat/Oct/2005 at 9:07pm] |
My dad and I are so cute and watch AFI's 100 Years 100 Movies and recite and argue over which line is going to be number 1. And I sit there and get all teary-eyed just from watching clips of Casablanca and Gone with the Wind and E.T. and Wizard of Oz and he laughs at me but it's a great time. My dad knows all the lines e-v-e-r. and I have to see a lot of movies to catch up with him. I feel so blessed because I actually get along with my parents. I want to be just like them.
i am nuts
erin and i at witches woods:
me: oh man, that zombie had the sexiest voice ever
erin: i was just thinking that! i bet he's hot in real life.
me: yeah, i heard him speak and was like da-amn. he must be a total fox when he's not eating brains.
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